Conflict Management: A Missing Ingredient

As a psychological researcher, the results that are generated from scientific investigations are in great part dependent on the original research questions that academic researchers select. When evaluating modern research questions, such as the effect of a smartphone application on childhood development, researchers tend to have a reasonably shared understanding of the phenomenon that they are studying, given that the researchers were born prior to the invention of the technology that they are studying. To the contrary, there are other research questions that are asked (or not asked) that require historical context because the phenomenon that is being studied is not solely a modern concept.  

For example, modern parenting has many distinguishing features from ancient traditions. Nevertheless, the concept of having children and taking care of them dates back to the very beginnings of human evolution. Thus, it is unlikely that questions pertaining to parenting can be fully answered by conducting psychological experiments devoid of historical and anthropological data. One of the consequences of using modern psychological data alone is that there is a tendency for children to be viewed in mechanistic terms, whereby positive/negative reinforcement and punishment can shape them into well-programmed adults. Whereas parents become readily aware that children are much more responsive to social and attachment-based motivational forces (e.g., going to sleep because all the adults went to sleep) than transactional reinforcers (e.g., getting an extra sticker for cooperatively going to bed).  

As a behavioral psychologist at my core, I think I was hoping that I could find the answer to how to help parents and couples stop fighting by using behavioral strategies alone. I love reinforcement schedules, effective time-outs, and other behavioral techniques, and I still use them. Nevertheless, the problem is that these techniques alone do not prevent power struggles, endless exhaustion, and chronic unhappiness. Thus, it was somewhere on my behaviorist adventure that I ran into the works of social scientists like Michaeleen Doucleff, David Lancy, and Elena Bridgers, among others. These authors helped me to pose research questions in conflict management science that have more potential for generating effective change. Instead of asking how to effectively control other people, I started asking, how do certain people coexist without controlling each other? Instead of asking how do I get my toddler to stop throwing temper tantrums, I started asking what attitude I needed to develop to facilitate loving family interactions while toddlers do what toddlers do?  

Through it all, these authors brought me back to the basic anthropological study of the strengths of different ways of living: the Mayas, the Inuits, the Amish, among others. All societies have flaws, but if a society has mastered something, I want to learn from the best. In retrospect, some of the most effective clinical work that I had read came from individuals who had overcome their respective difficulties. Masha Linehan’s work on suicide, Stephen Hayes’ work on panic attacks, Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability. We learn from the masters, and that is where solid research begins. The Mayas are good at teaching their children chores, the Amish are good at maintaining a non-violent society, and the Inuits are good at preventing power struggles and intense irritability. Together, we can learn from conflict management masters–the science and art of living more cooperative, connected lives. 

References

Bridgers, E. Motherhood until yesterday. Substack. Retrieved from https://elenabridgers.substack.com/

Doucleff, M. (2021). Hunt, gather, parent: What ancient cultures can teach us about raising happy, helpful little humans. Avid Reader Press.

Lancy, D. F. (2015). The anthropology of childhood: Cherubs, chattels, changelings. Cambridge University Press.

About the Author

Samuel Eshleman Latimer, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist that specializes in conflict management. Samuel works with Fostering Growth and Cooperation, where he practices effective conflict management, mentors students, and conducts research.